


Say uncle

by MsCee



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Misunderstandings, NOBODY IS DEAD AND EVERYTHING IS HAPPY, Oblivious Derek, Oblivious Stiles, Socially Awkward Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1735937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsCee/pseuds/MsCee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek Hale does not babysit. He just doesn't. That is, until he finds out that his cute new neighbor wants them to bond as single fathers while their daughters play. Not that Ellie is his daughter, but Stiles doesn’t need to know that, right?</p><p>*</p><p>Or, wherein Derek does not bother correcting an assumption and probably even encourages it in the name of lurve, but it all works out because Stiles is not exactly being the poster boy of honesty either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say uncle

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much what happened is I thought of the title and I was like haha thats a terrible pun Cee, the world needs that to exist.  
> So basically this entire trainwreck of a fic is an excuse to make a pun.  
> You're welcome.

Derek Hale is not built to babysit. This is just factual information. His parents know it, his sisters know it, and Erica _especially_ knows it. Which explains her very insincere ‘I’m-so-sorry-to-put-you-out’ face, barely concealing her smirk.

“No,” he says flatly. He isn’t trying to be a dick; it’s not that he doesn’t love Ellie. She is the cutest human on the planet, and Derek will gladly fight anyone who argues. But it’s one thing building sandcastles or pushing her on a swing with Erica or Boyd standing next to them, and another thing altogether when Erica is holding a duffle bag bigger than the one Derek used when he camped his way across the Southwest.

“Absolutely not,” he repeats, increasing the eyebrow in his foreboding glare by a magnitude of at least two. Erica rolls her eyes.

“Those stopped working on me years ago, big guy.”

“You’re the worst.”

“You love me,” Erica sing-songs.

“I love your daughter,” Derek corrects. “You come with the deal.”

“Well then, you should be jumping at the chance to spend _two whole days_ with her!” Erica crows.

“No,” Derek repeats firmly, trying to shove the duffle that is being foisted on him back towards Erica, to little success.

“Just this once, Derek? Please? Boyd never gets time off, and it’s been _forever_ since we had a minute alone. I’ll owe you!”

“You owe me so many already, I stopped counting,” Derek grumbles.

“Deedee?” A tiny voice pipes up from nearby. Erica and Derek whirl around to face the Toyota, where Ellie is now hanging out of the open door. “’M I gonna come stay with you?”

Derek Hale is not built to babysit, but one look from those big brown eyes and he is a total goner.

“Yeah, Ellie, just for a few days," he sighs. 

“You’re gonna have _so much fun_.” Erica says gleefully. Too gleefully.

Derek is going to regret this decision.

 

*

 

Forget _this_ decision, Derek regrets _every_ decision. The decision to say hello to the shy blonde girl on his first year of high school; the decision to introduce not-so-shy-anymore blonde girl to Boyd, his baseball co-captain; the decision to watch from Boyd’s righthand side when the two of them got hitched; and most of all, the decision to have any part in the care and keeping of their progeny.

Ellie is sitting in front of him, honest-to-goodness _bawling,_ and Derek hasn’t even _touched_ her hair yet.

“I just need to brush it, baby girl,” he coos in what he hopes is an assuring voice. “It’s not going to hurt.”

“It’s gonna hurt _so many_ ,” Ellie sniffles, batting his hand away with surprising strength. Well, not really surprising, she is Erica’s daughter after all.

“You don’t know that, we haven’t tried it yet,” He tries to reason, but he doesn’t even believe him _self_. “Come on, before it dries, let me get some of the tangles out.”

Ellie screeches again and flops sideways on the sofa, groaning. Tentatively, Derek reaches his hand out, touches the brush to the top of her curls. As gently as he can, he starts to brush it down, barely moving an inch before he hits a snag and Ellie lets out a bloodcurling scream.

He yanks the hairbrush backwards, startled, dragging Ellie’s head with his hand, the bristles having caught her hair. She shrieks even louder, fat tears running down her face and giving Derek a look of pure _betrayal._

Of course, that's when someone starts knocking on the door. Panicking slightly (okay, more than slightly), Derek scoops up the small girl and holds her to his chest, shushing her in vain as she bawls, the hairbrush still hanging comically from her hair.

“Not a good time!” He calls towards the door, hoping whoever is there will catch the hint and leave. No such luck, the knocking just gets more impatient as Ellie’s screams reach a decibel Derek doesn’t even think he could manage with his adult-sized lungs. He rushes to the door, yanking it open with Ellie still yelling directly into his ear, fully aware that his expression at that moment definitely makes him look like some kind of serial killer.

Which probably doesn’t make the situation look any more reassuring to the cute guy on the other side of his threshold, hand still poised to knock again and mouth slightly agape as his eyes dart from the screaming child to Derek.

“I, uh – ” the guy starts, swallowing audibly before trying again. “I’m your new neighbor?”

“And?” Derek grunts. He doesn’t mean to be rude, he really doesn’t, but Ellie is one second from being dropped on her adorable little butt if she doesn't cool it with the yelling.

“And, um, I…” The guy trails off again, looking supremely uncomfortable. Because of course that’s how Derek’s life goes, he gets a cute neighbor and his first impression of Derek is as an angry asshole with no ability to control a screaming child.

“Did you need something?” Derek wants it to come out as a polite question, but even he winces at his own irritated tone. He shifts Ellie in his arms, hoping to maybe silently communicate with the guy that he’s not always an asshole, that this is just a _really bad time_.

Well, actually, he _is_ always an asshole. But he can smile and flirt, on occasion.

Sometimes.

When Erica yells at him that he needs to get laid.

Or when Isaac claims that he’s a crochety old hermit and he’s trying to prove the little shit wrong.

Apparently drawing the focus to Ellie works, since cute neighbor guy’s face softens as soon as Derek shifts her, as if seeing her for the first time.

“Oh, is it hair brushing time?” Neighbor guy asks, nodding towards the hairbrush.

Derek grunts again. He can feel a migraine coming on. The guy winces sympathetically.

“Say no more, dude. Talk about a bad time. I heard the screaming, I came over half to say hi and introduce myself, and half because I thought it was probably a movie or something and Ava is supposed to be napping, but yeah, if it’s hair time? I feel your struggle. Ava’s a menace, too, and her hair’s straight as it comes. I can’t imagine having to wrestle through curls like that. Oh, shoot, sorry, you probably really don’t want me here right now. Although, now that I know that you’ve got this little munchkin, maybe I’ll pop by later with Ava to say hi. After the tangles and tears are put away. Okay, it was great meeting you, sorry about bothering you. And rambling at you just now. And probably bothering you later with the killer brownies I’m going to bring over. Trust me, they’re amazing. But only after your hair is done, young lady, so how’s that for a reason to cooperate? Right, leaving. Bye, neighbor!”

And just like that, cute neighbor guy is gone, without so much as a name.

Derek’s head is definitely reeling, and it takes him a second to realize that Ellie’s not even screaming anymore.

“Deedee?” She asks, while Derek blinks rapidly to try to process half of the mess of sentences that were just thrown at him. “Is that man going to bring treats for real if I let you do my tangles?”

Sweet merciful Jesus, his neighbor is an angel.

 

*

 

True to his word, there’s a knock on Derek’s door a few hours later, just after he’s settled Ellie down on the sofa with Frozen playing in the background and her hair in the closest approximation to pigtails he could get with her refusing to sit still for longer than two seconds.

This time, Derek vows to answer with a smile.

Which only falters slightly when cute neighbor guy is standing not alone, but with a girl about Ellie’s age perched on his hip, thumb slotted in her mouth.

“Say hi, Ava,” cute neighbor guy smiles at Derek, holding out a plate of brownies with his free hand.

The little girl pulls her hand out of her mouth and waves at Derek timidly, before burrowing her face into neighbor guy’s neck. Right, Ava. Is apparently his daughter. That makes sense, in hindsight. Who else would he have been putting down for a nap, his girlfriend? Derek's a moron.

“Sorry, she’s a bit shy right now, she just got up from a nap. Can we come in?”

“Uh, sure,” Derek opens the door wider, letting the guy cross into his apartment. Ellie twists around on the sofa, eyes lighting up when she sees the brownies.

“Deedee!” She calls, “Are them for me?”

“Are they for me, Ellie,” Derek corrects absentmindedly, still feeling a bit bulldozed by his neighbor.

“They sure are, kiddo! Oh, man, I just realized, I don’t know either of your names. I’m probably the worst neighbor in the history of neighbors, aren’t I? I’m Stiles, by the way, because my name would probably help you too. And this little princess is Ava, but I think you already got that. Speaking of princesses, is that Frozen? We love Frozen, don’t we, sunshine? Want to go watch Frozen with, uh… Right, names. Those would help.”

“I’m Ellie!” Ellie chirps from the sofa. “And that’s Deedee.”

Derek sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Derek,” he corrects, slightly warily. Stiles smiles widely.

“Aw, but Deedee is so much cuter. Okay, Ava, why don’t you go watch Frozen with Miss Ellie, and Derek and I are going to go grab some milk for these brownies. Sound good? Unless you don’t have milk, in which case I could just grab some from next door. Oh, I didn’t even ask if you _wanted_ milk, I am actually the worst at this, you should please just shut me up at any time. No really, feel free to shut me up. You’re not shutting me up. Fine, I’ll shut myself up,” Stiles mimes zipping his lips shut.

Derek would shut him up, if the rambling weren’t so bizarrely endearing. And if he weren’t still processing the first half of Stiles’s monologue. Ava tugs on Stiles’s sleeve, and he lets her down to go join Ellie on the sofa. Stiles watches her go, then turns back to Derek.

“Right, so, if this whole neighbor thing is going to work, I should probably let you talk at some point. Milk?”

“In the fridge.” Derek replies, beckoning for Stiles to follow him into the kitchen. “How old is Ava?” He asks as he opens the fridge, because that seems like neutral territory to ask his cute-neighbor-with-a-kid-and-probably-wife-so-cool-it-Derek.

“Four,” Stiles replies. “It’s kind of insane how quickly she grew up, I remember when she was just a bundle of screaming wrinkles like it was yesterday.”

“I know what you mean,” Derek says, because he still has trouble believing that his goddaughter is almost five, some days. “Ellie’s turning five next month. Last week she told me she was almost ready to get married.”

Stiles laughs, big and bright, absolutely infectious.

“Wow, you’ve got a real big kid on your hands. You and your wife ready for the wedding already?”

Derek and his… wife?

“I don’t have a wife?” Derek half states, half asks, wondering what would have given Stiles that impression.

“No way, rocking the single dad gig?”

“The single…” It clicks into place with Derek. Stiles thinks he’s a fellow father, and that’s why he’s in the kitchen with brownies and his adorable nose and his bambi eyes. “Uh, yeah. Single dad. That’s me.”

What is he even saying?

“What about you, is it just you and Ava?”

Why is he still talking?

Stiles flails suddenly away from the counter, milk sloshing over the side of a glass as he looks up at Derek and blinks a couple time.

“Yup,” Stiles nods, an odd look on his face. “Just me and Ava.”

“Sorry,” Derek says as an afterthought, since Stiles looks uncomfortable about having been put on the spot. Maybe it’s a fresh thing, and Stiles is still recovering from his split with Ava’s other parent.

“Uh, no worries, man. It’s just… Yep, just Ava and me, my daughter Ava and her trusty ol’ dad.” Stiles laughs to himself a little, finishes pouring the milk. “Single as the day I was born.”

Was that an invitation to flirt with him? Derek is terrible at reading people. Erica, Isaac and his sisters always delight in telling him so at every available opportunity. Even his mother had patted his cheek and clucked her teeth last time they were at dinner together, when Derek had wondered out loud whether the waiter had left his number as a professional courtesy or a come-on.

He was hopeless, and he was probably about to massively misread a situation and completely scare off a poor single dad whose kid just wanted a playmate.

“Lets get these brownies to the troops before we have a mutiny on our hands,” Stiles says suddenly, his warm smile back on full force.

“Right, of course.” Derek nods, probably a little stiffly. He leads them back out to the living room, where both girls are completely ignoring Frozen in favour of Ellie showing Ava the small pile of barbies that had come with her overnight bag.

“Hey, look at that,” Stiles says, smiling at Derek again, until his heart is beating just a shade faster than he’d like it to. “Looks like we’ve made friends! What are the chances, right? That we’re right next door to you and your daughter?”

“Right,” Derek echoes faintly, feeling a bit woozy.

This is why Derek Hale is  _not_ built to babysit.

 

*

 

Two days later, Derek is unlocking his door, bag of groceries in hand, when Stiles stumbles out of his apartment with a laundry bin.

“Hey! Derek! Is Ellie around?”

Derek frowns, momentarily caught off guard. Why would Stiles expect Ellie to be around?

“She’s with her mother,” he explains slowly, wondering why Stiles cares.

“Ah, say no more. The ol’ switching off weekdays song and dance. My friend Scott, Ava’s, uh, my friend Scott is still getting used to it with his ex-wife. I wind up taking his daughter half of his days, because he’s an EMT and his shifts are not conducive to regular custody schedules. I don’t mind, though, I work from home, so no skin off my nose.”

That’s when their conversation comes rushing back to him, and he remembers that Stiles is still operating under the assumption that Ellie is his. He should say something about it, correct the assumption before this goes too far.

“Ava must enjoy having her around,” Derek offers instead, unable to think of a polite way to clarify that by Ellie’s mother he meant Erica, his best friend and wife of Ellie’s father. Who is not him. Contrary to what Stiles is mistakenly assuming.

 “Uh, right. Right, right. Ava loves having her around.” Stiles lets out a small, strained chuckle, and runs a hand through his hair. His expression looks kind of off, like he’s between frustration and laughing. Derek isn’t entirely sure what just happened. “Um, speaking of, though. When do you have Ellie next?”

Derek opens his mouth, prepared to take this opportunity to clear the air, tell Stiles that sorry, Ellie isn’t his daughter, what a funny misunderstanding, looks like they have nothing in common after all, have a great day, see you probably never, but Stiles steamrolls over him.

“Because I was thinking, you two should come over for dinner. Ava and Ellie seemed to get along great, and I don’t know that many people in town, and us single- uh, um, single fathers should stick together. Right?” Stiles’s voice cracks slightly at the word father, but Derek barely notices it because of the ‘single’ that preceded it. That's the second time he brought it up. It was definitely a signal, right? Derek _couldn’t_ be misreading it this time.

“I’ve got her on Saturday,” he blurts out. No, that wasn’t right, he was supposed to say ‘she’s my goddaughter, I’m not a father’. He’s about to backpedal and run away from the scene, but Stiles’s weird expression splits into a blindingly genuine smile, and Derek can’t look away.

This is going to be one hell of a phone call to Erica.

 

*

 

Not surprisingly, Erica laughs so loud he has to hold the phone away from his ear. She pauses only to gasp for breath, tell Boyd he has to come listen to this, and then laugh some more.

But least she agrees to hand Ellie over.

 

*

 

Stiles is amazing. He’s hilarious, vibrant, talktative; everything Derek isn’t and everything Derek is attracted to.

Ava is surprisingly shy, for someone with a dad like Stiles, but Stiles is an expert at drawing her out of her shell. He’s even got Ellie up on her feet dancing by the end of their dinner, despite her initial insistence that she was too old to boogie with him.

Derek watches the three of them dance like maniacs around Stiles’s living room while he stacks the dirty dishes, and knows for one hundred percent certain that he is absolutely, unequivocally, screwed.

Later on, they plop the girls in front of a movie and sit in the kitchen, and talk through the entire thing. Well, Stiles talks, and Derek listens, occasionally tossing in his two cents and snarking back to Stiles’s biting humor. It’s eerily domestic, and altogether too comfortable for Derek’s liking. He’s used to awkward first dates, stilted silences while the person he’s out with slowly realizes they’re only there because of Derek’s looks.

Stiles’s face goes soft while he tells a story about Ava’s first trip to the zoo, and Derek realizes why this is so easy; it’s not awkward because it’s not a date, it’s a _play_ date. And Derek is only on it because of a daughter he doesn’t have.

 

*

 

They have four more playdates, each one ending in Derek practically hyperventilating when he's certain that Stiles is going to call him out on pretending Ellie is his. At the last one, Ellie almost calls him 'Uncle', and Derek claps a hand over her mouth before she gets the first syllable out. Stiles shoots him an odd look, but doesn't say anything.

Derek spends the next three days after that fastidiously avoiding Stiles, barricading himself into his apartment immediately after work and only dashing out once to the trash room.

He calls Laura, expecting a bit of sympathy, and only gets an eyeroll so heavy he swears he can hear it over the phone.

“Only you, Der. Only you.”

“Just go over and tell him the truth!” Cora pipes up suddenly. “You live right next door, it literally couldn’t be more convenient. God, you’re such a loser.”

“Cora, put the phone down!” Laura shouts.

“Make me!” She shouts back.

Sometimes he hates that his sisters live together.

Right now, he wishes he lived with them, if only to avoid living next to Stiles.

“Well, if you’re not going to man up and tell him about Ellie, at least go get groceries or something. I bet you’ve just been moping in your apartment like an oversized baby.”

He could always count on Cora for her kind encouragement.

“I have not!” He insists.

“Uh huh,” His sisters say, in perfect harmony.

“I really hate that you two live together.”

“Uh huh.” They repeat.

He hangs up.

Fifteen minutes later, he decides _of his own accord_ to go to the grocery store. Because he hasn't been in a while, not because he has refused to even get take-out for fear that Stiles would be in the hallway when he opened the door for the deliveryman.

If Nicole from across the hall says hello as he passes her on his way to the elevator, and he scowls probably a little harder than necessary, it’s totally unrelated to the fact that she isn’t Stiles.

As soon he pulls his car into the grocery store, he sees a familiar Toyota parked out front. He’d happily believe it was just a coincidence, if he didn’t know his sisters so well.

“Well, fancy meeting you here,” Erica says, sidling up to him at the front of the store, a sleepy looking Ellie perched on her hip.

“Yeah, right.” Derek grumbles. “I really hope you didn’t wake her up from a nap just to encourage my sisters’ meddling.”

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Erica clucks. “Besides, even if we _were_ meddling, we’d just say that we don’t see what the big deal is. Just tell the guy that you’re hot for him, and see where it goes. I’ll even let you borrow my kid a little while longer, if it makes you feel any better.”

“I can’t _borrow your kid_ forever, Erica,” Derek huffs. Or maybe he can. If he strategically plans it, he could have Ellie over once a week for the next few years. Tell Stiles that he got the bum end of the custody arrangement. That might work.

“Oh my _God_ , Derek, you aren’t seriously considering borrowing my kid forever to avoid confrontation, are you?”

Derek shrugs. He wasn’t _seriously_ considering it, he was _casually_ considering it. There was a difference.

“You’re hopeless,” Erica announces, staring at the sky like she’s praying for strength. “Absolutely hopeless.”

Derek shrugs again, tails after her into the grocery store like a lost puppy.

“You know, he probably won’t even care. So you’re not Ellie’s dad, but you are pretty much her uncle. It’s just as much of an in! We can set up playdates with the dude’s kid, and you can coincidentally be over at our house while they are. Blammo, there’s your in.”

“There’s no ‘blammo’ about it, Erica!” Derek hisses, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Stiles isn’t somehow around, listening to their conversation. “And keep your voice down, he might – ”

Derek is cut off by Stiles himself strolling around the corner, grocery basket in hand. Sometimes Derek is sure he was a serial killer in a past life. It's the only thing that would explain his luck in this one.

And his resting murder face, as Cora loved to point out.

“Hey! Derek!” Stiles says, sounding surprised. “I haven’t seen you in a few days, how’ve you been?”

Damn. He thought he was being subtle about it.

“Hey, I’m Erica. Ellie’s Mom,” Erica introduces herself before Derek can answer the question, sticking the hand not holding Ellie out for Stiles to shake.

“Oh, uh, pleased to meet you. You’re, uh-” Stiles’s gaze is flicking rapidly back and forth from Ellie to Derek to Erica. “Not what I expected?”

Derek groans into his hands. He doesn’t need to look up to know the look on Erica’s face, and it does not bode well for his dignity.

“Oh, that’s funny. Why, what did you expect?”

Stiles looks like a deer caught in headlines.

“Uh. It’s just. Someone with. Uh. Um. No reason?”

Derek is going to kill Erica, he really is. 

"Is it her tan? Yeah, she just spent a lot of time in the sun as a baby. Right, Derek? And his side of the family tans like crazy, I keep telling him that’s where she gets it.”

Stiles is nodding like the words out of Erica’s mouth make any sense whatsoever, shooting the occasional pitying glance towards Derek’s increasingly drawn eyebrows.

“Erica!” He hisses, looking pointedly at Ellie and then at Stiles.

Erica smirks.

Derek breathes in, counts to five in his head, breathes out.

“So, have I ever told you why Derek left me, Stiles?”

“Erica!” Derek snaps. “Can we _not_ right now?”

“Oh, fine, you giant fun-suck, be like that. So Derek tells me you’ve got a girl Ellie’s age?”

Stiles tears his gaze away from Derek, refocusing on Erica.

“Hm? Yeah, Ava. She and Ellie seem to get along.”

“I’ll say,” Erica smiles. “She’s all Ellie will talk about, these days. Maybe I can come over with Ellie sometimes, instead of Derek hogging all of Ellie’s playdates with her. I wouldn’t mind getting to know the two of you.”

Derek wished he had more deities to pray to.

“Um, sure?” Stiles says, but he doesn’t look very sure.

“Glad that’s settled. Derek, give the man my number. And Stiles? Doesn’t have to be a playdate. You feel free to drop a word off that, if you want.” With that, she winks (winks!) at Stiles and struts away, the child on her hip not impeding her sashay nearly as much as it should.

“Well, she’s something,” Stiles chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck.

Derek scowls deeper.

“Yeah, well, she’s married,” he snaps before he can stop himself, irritated that she can just swoop in and make Stiles want her.

“Woah, sorry dude, no offense meant, didn’t realize it was like that.”

“Like what?” He growls. He’s really not doing himself any favours right now. Although, if Stiles thinks he’s an asshole, he won’t want to spend time with him at all, regardless of Ellie. And that would certainly solve _half_ the problem, at least.

“That you still have feelings for her,” Stiles shrugs. “That’s rough, man. How long have you two been split up?”

“What? No, I’m gay, I don’t have feelings for Erica.”

There’s a clatter on the floor, Stiles having just dropped his shopping basket. A bag of Cheetos, four boxes of KD, a box of fruit loops, and a lone can of four loko spill out. Derek raises an eyebrow. Maybe Ava doesn’t live with him full time, after all.

“Uh, sorry, handle slipped, nevermind me,” Stiles is saying, scrambling after the escaping can and simultaneously grabbing at his groceries. “That’s, uh –“ Stiles coughs, straightens up, accepts the bag of cheetos that Derek picked up and is holding out for him. “Neat?”

“Neat?” Derek echoes.

Stiles nods enthusiastically.

“That we’re both. Ah, gay single dads? I feel like we should get together and commiserate sometime.”

“While the girls play?” Derek asks, because he has been doomed to an eternity of being dadzoned thanks to his own stupidity.

Stiles rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Or, uh, without them? Maybe? Over coffee or something? We can leave the kid pics at home and talk about grown up things?”

Oh. _Oh._

Yes, Derek is game for that.

Take that, Erica.

 

*

 

Stiles invites him to a barbecue at his friend’s house a week later, letting him know that he’s free to bring Ellie if he wants to, even though Ava won’t be around.

Derek tells Stiles it’s Erica’s weekend, mostly because he’d rather do anything than listen to her laugh him down the phone when he tells her that Stiles had _subtly_ inquired as to whether Derek had ever questioned Ellie’s paternity.

It was awkward.

Derek gets to the address Stiles texted him a few minutes late, clutching a six pack of beer to his chest with clammy hands. After a successful child-free coffee date, Derek is thinking it would be a good time to finally come clean. To admit that he’s been exploiting his goddaughter to get close to a single dad who thinks they’re sharing the commonality of being in charge of a _living, breathing, human being_.  

His sisters are never going to let him live this one down.

The gate to the backyard swings opens, the stranger behind it smiling and ushering him back to a patio and well-manicured lawn.

“Hey man, you must be Derek. I’m Scott, Stiles’s best friend.” He introduces himself, accepting the beer that Derek hands him and offering his hand.

Derek nods, shakes his hand, breathes deep and reminds himself to project as many friendly vibes as he can. It’s usually not many.

“My daughter keeps going on about you and Ellie, it’s nice that she’s got a playmate while she’s over there. Makes me feel a bit less guilty about pawning her off on Stiles all the time,” Scott is saying.

Derek frowns. Since that initial meeting in the hallway, Stiles hasn’t mentioned Scott’s daughter again. They’ve certainly never met her, in any case.

“Wait, what? We haven’t met your daughter, have we? Ellie’s normally just over on the weekends, when- ah, when I have her.”

Scott frowns, too.

“Right. That’s when Ava’s over.”

“Right.” Derek repeats slowly.

“Right.” Scott says again. There’s a very awkward silence.

“So your daughter and Ava are good friends, too?” Derek offers to break it, still not entirely sure where the miscommunication is.

“Is… my daughter friends with Ava?” Scott repeats slowly, articulating each word as though it is in a foreign language. “Um, could you just hold on a second, Derek? I have to go murder my best friend.”

And without another word, he swivels around and jogs out to where Stiles is standing next to a pretty Asian woman, engrossed in conversation.

Derek blinks a couple times.

Blinks again.

It doesn’t help his sudden headache.

“Yo! Fuckwad!” Scott is yelling across the lawn. Stiles looks up, registers Scott’s face, glances towards Derek, and looks very panicked all of a sudden.

“It isn’t what it sounds like!” Stiles yelps, tossing up his hands.

“No? Care to explain who my second daughter is, then?”

“It was for the greater good!” Stiles ducks behind the woman, peeking over her shoulder.

“Stop using my girlfriend as a shield, you dick!”

Derek is very confused. Scott has reached Stiles now, and they’re whispering back and forth furiously, Stiles gesticulating madly and Scott’s frown deepening with every emphatic flail.

Half of Derek wants to take a few steps towards them and see if he can eavesdrop, but before he can talk himself into moving, Stiles is hurtling towards him.

“Hey! Derek! So glad you could come!”

“Is everything alright?” Derek asks, curious.

Stiles blushes brightly, scratches the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Yeah, man. Don’t worry about it, Scott was just…” He trails off, and shrugs.

“Why does Scott’s daughter talk about us, if we’ve never met?” Derek asks.

“Um, it’s kind of a funny story, actually. So, you know how you have a daughter, right?”

Derek nods slowly, not sure where this is headed.

“And um, your daughter is probably like, the light of your life or whatever, and as a single dad you probably don't meet many other single dads with children the same age?”

Derek nods again, his heart starting to beat a bit faster. Does Stiles suspect something about Ellie? Is this Stiles’s way of telling him he knows Derek is lying?

“So, um, when I came over and Ava was over at my place, and I saw Ellie, I figured, hey, what an awesome excuse to get to know my hot neighbor!”

Derek’s stomach twists at the compliment, but it doesn’t stop his hands from getting clammy.

“Is this when you tell me you know that Ellie isn’t mine?” He blurts out suddenly, unable to stand the pressure any more.

“I just couldn’t tell you that – Wait, _what?_ Ellie isn’t _yours_?”

Oh, fuck. Stiles didn’t know. The colour has drained from his face, and they’re staring at each other in a bizarre, awkward stand-off.

“Like… You’re her step-dad? She calls you Deedee, so you must be her stepdad, right?” Stiles asks, voice pitched an octave too high.

“I’m sorry!” Derek chokes out.

“You’re sorry you’re her step-dad?”

“I’m sorry I lied, I’m not her step-dad, I’m her uncle. Well, her parents are my best friends and I’m not her dad but you came over with your daughter and I’m a terrible person.” Clearly Derek has been spending too much time around Stiles, because he’s starting to ramble like him, too.

Not that he’ll be spending any more time around Stiles, because Stiles would be insane to let a horrible person like Derek into his and Ava’s lives.

Stiles opens and closes his mouth a few times, gaping like a fish, and Derek closes his eyes and waits for the shouting to start.

“Ava is Scott’s daughter, not mine.”

Wait, _what_.

Stiles lets out a cross between a groan and a laugh, the noise sounding like it got caught in his throat halfway out.

“I’m Ava’s uncle, not her dad,” He clarifies, and then starts laughing. Not just laughing, but laughing hysterically, wheezing and puffing and just about falling over.

Derek opens his eyes and stares at Stiles through squinted eyes.

“Wait, so you’re not a single dad?” He sounds strangled to his own ears, and he’s not sure whether he wants to laugh, cry, or punch something.

“Neither are _you!”_ Stiles wheezes, falling forward and bracing his hands on his knees.

Derek stares at Stiles, bewildered.

He needs to sit down.

“So why did…”

“I wanted an in with my hot neighbor,” Stiles finally stands up, wipes tears out of the corner of his eyes. “That doesn’t explain you, though.”

“I… wanted to get to know you, but you just seemed to be interested in the girls having playdates,” Derek confesses.

“Hoo boy, aren’t we a pair. God, that explains so much. I knew that Ellie couldn’t be yours.”

“I…” Derek still has no idea what to say. He feels a bit like he’s been run over by a very, very confusing freight train.

“Man, I think we both need a drink. Um, hey so, I understand if you don’t want to hang around anymore, seeing how I lied and pretty much kidnapped my niece to get to know you, but-”

“I _never_ babysit.” Derek interrupts. “Never. I had to tell Erica why I wanted to and she told me I was the most awkward person on the planet.”

“Well, you did lie about having a daughter to avoid just asking someone on a date,” Stiles points out with a grin.

“Yeah, but so did _you_.” Derek shoots back.

“Touché,” Stiles’s smile widens. “I guess we deserve each other, then."

 

*

 

When Derek and Stiles have been dating for nearly two months, enjoying the perks of being decidedly childless, Derek decides to have a dinner party and introduce him to his friends and sisters. Stiles meets Boyd for the first time, and doesn't stop laughing for a solid four minutes.

Derek has to thump him on the back when he starts choking on his beer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I do the thing at [seemscee.tumblr.com](http://www.seemscee.tumblr.com) because my very pushy darling sister told me I was a luddite and it's pretty much 100% true.


End file.
